I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
