I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
