I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
