Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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