spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
