I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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