so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
