I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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