well I can't set my house on fire every night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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