I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
