She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
