If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
