first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He better not be in your backpack
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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