god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
