He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
