I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
