I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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