i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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