Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
