i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
