I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
