I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
