I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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