I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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