i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
