No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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