just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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