He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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