Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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