so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
