what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
