Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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