are you so shy because you have an std?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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