You're my little dorito
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
this hospital has no fireball
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
