Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
