i permit you to call me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
