allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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