Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
