ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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