She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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