Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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