You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
