It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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