Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
