Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's the barista slut.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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