I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex on a dog bed..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
