My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
