I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
