Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
