My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize