Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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