piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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