This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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