I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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