If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
