Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I only lived at night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
