I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
