Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
