She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
