Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I deserve this hangover.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
