I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
