Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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