There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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