We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
