Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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