Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
