Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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