kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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