Betty ford says i'm here all night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
