I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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