Whoa Z and x make the same sound
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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