dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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