is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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